Sunday, August 06, 2006

do not fear

the end of thy mother earth is near. the anti-christ will rule the earth. it will be devoured with sufferings, pain, hatred, darkness, and fear. thou shall not fear for after this christ will save us. he will be reborn. thou must not be afraid of dying or death. thou must be ready all the time. evil will tempt you to deny GOD and we shall never be tempt by them. do not be afraid of being tortured or being killed by them. they can ruin and hurt our body but they can never take away our faith. sacrifice your body or your soul? your body can be ruined but your soul is safe. or your body is safe but your soul will be burned forever in hell. trust GOD. never lose your faith, hope, and love for him. he will never leave us. he will never abandoned us. coz we are his children and he LOVE us...

Saturday, July 08, 2006


the course that I've decided to take up... uhm I guess 50% of the reason why I chose this course are my parents... and then the other half was my own... there are many things that I want to do when I grew up... I wanna be a musician, a singer, a doctor, a lawyer, a stage actress, a nun, a nurse, a painter, and an anime artist. whew! I am really an ambitious person... but, why not right? it's not a sin... ok... nursing huh? why not? I'm not like those nursing students who took up nursing just because of the uniform and because it is in demand... I took up nursing because I wanted to help... I didn't mean the money... I mean to help people... especially my family and my countrymen... to care for them like I cared for myself... nurses are in demand that's why almost half of the filipino nurses went abroad... I cannot blame them... they need money... but as for me? money is not important... being a nurse is not easy... taking up nursing is not easy... you have to be really determined... it is a job that requires tlc... the tender love and care. having difficulties especially on my subjects helped me a lot... it made me stronger, determined and more confident. and I know that two to three years from now I will be a nurse... I will...

Monday, April 10, 2006


I... Lou Ives Martinez Lopez... has no hard feelings... no hatred... and no sadness... in short I totally moved on... actually last year pa eh... pero why can't people understand that even if I did moved on I can't force myself to let go of this love that I have for him... I am trying my best but please don't force me... I've been through a lot of ways on letting go of this love and I know I will soon get over it... but If I failed...I am really sorry especially to my friends... now, all I'm asking is for all of you to understand me... please do try... it's not easy... so please... be there for me... I really need you guys... I really do...

Ps. this post is for my friends and for all the readers of my blogs...

GOD is my refuge

before I die I wanted to do more significant things for the people who made my life so wonderful and worth living. I wanted to give my whole body and soul to them. I wanted to serve them, to die for them, to hold them without any hesitation, to share my breath to them. why am I saying things like this? Well I went to panggasinan to visit the church of Our Lady of Manaoag last April 23,2006. I wished for great happiness and a wonderful life for those people i love and yet ask her to guide me on what to do and what not to do. after that I started lighting the candles and thenwhile doing that I saw a big beautiful butterfly called mariposa. I remember that someone told me that mariposa means truth... then suddenly I realized that I should be more honest to everyone especially to my loveones. on the way home whenever I looked at the window I see funerals and coffins. I felt like maybe it was a sign that I will soon die... that God wanted to be with me... but then I'm so afraid to leave without letting my loveones know how much I love them especially my family... so I asked him and so is his mother mama mary to give me more time to show them and to help them... I still wanted to become a nurse in order to help the wounded people... I still wanted to be a very good daughter to my parents... an understanding friend to my friends... and I still wanted to be with my loveones more than anything else... I love GOD... so much... but then I think that even if people hated me... they need me more than my LORD does... I have a mission to fulfill and that is to do what my LORD wants me to do... and now I aim to know my Lord much more and to make him known by his sons and daughters... before I leave this wonderful world I will be what GOD wants me to be... I will do his wishes... I will do my responsibility without fear... I will love the people around me unconditionally not just my loveones... all my life I wanted happiness, love and care... I faced so many battles and challenges in my life and surprisingly I overcome them... now I know why I encountered so much pain... it is because If weren't for that I wouldn't be a person like what I am now... It made me more closer to my Lord... It made me realize that God loves me so much and he has faith in me... and I will cherish that forever...=D

i make myself grounded

no more friendster, no more ym, no more cellphones not unless I really needed, no more hang-outs in short no more FUN for ME... I've done so many mistakes these past years and the only solution is for me to punish myself. I just don't wanna make the same mistakes again. like being a loser, everyday fun, not taking care of myself and all the things around me including school, friends and family. and most of all the unwanted revelations I've notice these past few months. I'm so stupid and careless. so I'm making a list of what I will do to make it up...

-go to church everyday( I just go there during first friday of the month and every sundays so I will do it everyday)
-no more touching cellphone( Only for: emergencies and if really needed)
-no more ym( chatting is really fun but I guess I'll focus more on myself than talking to someone)
-no more unlimited time for friendster( I'll check my friendster maybe once a month nlng)
-no more watching animes( ok, maybe I'll watch I couln't resist not to! I will watch animes but not like before)
-look for a summer job( hahah so that I can help my parents with the bills)
-no more aircon!( I can live without aircon)
-no more ipod during class(no, not my ipod... whew! ok, I'll focus more on my studies)
-help baby sit the kids( that's ok, I'm doing it always when they're here)
-avoid eating delicious foods(ok=D)
-avoid men!
-no more talking to my friends all the time(minimize it)

-well, now I'm starting to do some of the things on the list. hehehe and I'm happy with it. I'm sure after I've accomplish those things I can live a very happy life=D

Thursday, March 16, 2006

with tears in my eyes

reality speaks telling me... "hey now is my time wake up! let me in!" hahaha does reality really talks? back to the topic, I was feeling incomplete. how can I complete myself again? how can juliet forget romeo? how can thee accept reality? a thirsty heart will soon die coz of dehydration. juliet is dying. what will romeo do? maybe nothing... arrrggghhh sad to say but reality talks and it says romeo doesn't care about juliet anymore. what shakespeare said was a lie. romeo doesn't really love juliet. he will not die for her like what he've said in the past. then juliet will die alone unloved.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

simple things yet so big

lately I'm wondering about myself. it feels like all of a sudden I felt really out of place. and then I figured out that I am a big loser! yeah, I have so many friends but I don't know if they considered me as a friend. I felt pity to myself. It felt like I'm just fooling myself, feeling great while everybody's staring at me, laughing at me. I was so afraid of losing someone, everyone! and then after a while It felt like I already lose them. I don't have a friend. I am alone, a loner, a loser, a jerk, a freak and a nobody! all those times I thought I am a somebody and I am not alone. But, I was dead wrong. so all those times, jay was right. that's why many people fooled me including him it's because I'm weak! I trusted them not knowing that they all laughing at me. I am a loser, a big one! I don't have anything. I have nothing. no one likes me, no one loves me, no one cares about me, no one sees me, no one accepts me. I'm trying so hard, doing my best for them to notice me but I failed. people hate me. they judge my acts as if I'm not doing anything good. I am just being myself. why can't they accept me? why do people laugh at me? why do people fooled me? is it because I'm not beautiful, intelligent, rich and famous? I don't need any of that! well... the heck I care! I don't care about you guys! sorry but I am still alive and only God can take away my life. Oh yes, I'm alive. and I don't care about what you guys think about me coz the only thing I cared about is my family so don't waste your time laughing at me coz it's useless... really useless... as long as my family is here with me and God is inside my heart no one can destroy me...

Monday, February 13, 2006

a peaceful and quiet southville

yah, it's shocking. i woke up early to go to school even if I'm drunk last night. i saw joice talking to sir pol, and then her fone rang and she answered it. i thought it was one of her boylets so I'm smiling at her and teasing her. and then she said " cookie, patay n daw c richard!" and then I said " richard who?" she replied. "richard capilli" ung kuya ni richmond! i was shocked! i thought she's just joking and then I ask sir pol and he said it's true. it happened yesterday while we're having the thanksgiving party. i was so sad coz what happened to him was brutal. he doesn't deserve that kind of death. everyone at southville remains quiet. everyone felt really really sad about it. we went to his wake to see richmond because we was really worried about him. when we hugged him he just cry. everyone was really sad and they can't accept it. his sister was so shocked. I was crying when I saw her went to the coffin and talked to richard. he hugged richmond and said " ung kuya mo richmond! niyakap niya ko! kinakausap niya ko!" so sad... richard was a very kind man, a friend, a brother and a son to his parents. while richmond was telling the story he was crying. so sad... "my condolences to the capilli family".

Sunday, February 12, 2006

thanksgiving party

my sister ivan passed the physical therapist board examination last feb 5, 2006. so as a gift for her success my parents decided to have a thanksgiving party. as usual i don't like parties especially if it's very noisy so i went to my room and have some sanmig light as my drink with a few thoughts about valentines day. before that party me and my eldest sister ivy together with her family went to Par43 mini golf and restaurant at the fort. the kids really enjoyed it. while they were playing, my sister and i decided to go to the nbc tent coz there is a bazzar there. she did some shopping and i of course just watching her and carrying her stuff! damn i look like a maid that time! it seems so quiet around there. well that's all for today.